I had my doctor's appointment first thing this morning. It went really well- except for the part where they weigh me. :)
The blood work all came back great. My white cell count was low (which is normal for me), no anemia, and no kidney involvement. No active signs of the disease (not flaring today, woot woot).
Something has been on my mind ever since I visited Spokane. Children are extremely hard work. Damien wore me out and my knees were killing me. Thankfully, at the end of the day I was able to hand him off to his mother.
There was some rumor that Janelle and Wally (My best friend's parents) heard about me trying to get pregnant. I'm not, by the way. But, I guess Janelle and maybe Wally too, believe that I shouldn't get pregnant. This is what has been on my mind. I'm pretty sure her concern is for my health. I kinda ignore that portion of the process. If the pregnancy is terrible and I get put on bedrest for my own health I'll just limit it to one kiddo. I would be happy with one. I would be ecstatic for one. It's after the baby comes out that I'd concerned with- playing horsey and teaching them sports... helping them with their homework and baking cookies for their bake sale at school. There are days that the mere idea of any one of those things would exhaust me. And as you mothers are aware, parenthood is rarely one thing at a time.
I truly believe that I can summon the strength to overpower my lupus and raise a damn fine child. I think I just need everyone else to believe that too.
Motherhood isn't something I'm willing to give up for Lupus. My tennis rackets are collecting dust in the closet, I miss the kids I used to work with at the autism agency, and I've accepted that my running shoes will probably never be worn for that specific purpose. But I can't give up on wanting to be a mother.
Only a couple more years and we'll see how strong I am.
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