Tuesday, July 12, 2011

What keeps me going...

One of my PT's asked me the other day about what motivates me to get off my ass.  She said it a bit nicer than that. I think she's a church-goin' lady.  I've never heard her say ass.  She's pretty positive and she calls me "gurl".  As in "Heyyyyyy gurrrl!  How are you feeling today?"  I dig it.

I digress....

Anywho, she was asking me how long my "script" for physical therapy was.  I told her my doc is just so thrilled to have a lupie want to go to PT that he makes it unlimited.  I'm apparently a freak of nature.  Many people sink into their pain, their fatigue, and their regular napping schedules.

I'm totally not knockin' napping.  I took one today after work.

Dagwood knows what's up.  Also, he's a sandwich lover.  My kind of guy.

I've been there.  After each car accident these past two years I went through a small depression-  I bit of "woe is me" and a big helping of "why the hell bother?"  Every time I built up strength something happened to tear me down again.  Frustrating to say the least.

I blame California drivers!

....digressing again....

To be honest, I had a tiny bit of that feeling coming on today.  I have a big flare coming up.  Yesterday, fatigue.  Today weakness, headaches, fever, some joint pain.  I left work early after toughing it out just to make it to an important meeting for one of my kiddos.  I had to make it to that meeting.  That's what got me through the last few hours when I had no idea what I was writing referrals for, forgetting who I was calling after I dialed their numbers, and sweating like a pig.

Anyway, so my PT had asked me if it has to do with my line of work- that somehow being in child welfare makes me want to pull myself up by my bootstraps and just do it.  I pondered aloud about some of the elderly I've worked with in the past- maybe I don't want to become them?  73 at age 23?  My PT suggested laziness may just be too much- people come to PT for two weeks and then just vanish.

No... my motivation is as follows:

Name that Inland Northwest landmark!

My nephews.  They give me just a glimmer of what I'm hopeful to have in a few years.  I'm getting stronger in water therapy, doing my stretches, and staying out of the sun... all so that I can get down on the floor to play with my own children someday.  And, in the meanwhile, get some practice in with these two monkeys.

But today, to talk down the negative Nancy within I treated myself to some store-bought garlic bread and some chocolate milk.  Looking at the bigger picture of what comfort foods usually are, I'm not too upset with myself.  I'm shocked that I also didn't purchase a Caesar alad-in-a-bag.

It's really not too shocking that so many of my comfort foods involve very little work for flarin' Karas.

What are your most non-guilt-inducing comfort foods?  
And, of course, what is your long-term motivation, and what motivation got you through today?